don't wanna be thin

I've been on this exercising kick for a few weeks now but just now put my plan to motion. I need to be fit and in shape when summer time comes so i can get into those cute booty shorts to make traffic stop. j/k cuz i hate attention in public..lol..but i really want to be super toned so my arm fat doesnt jiggle. i need a toned stomach and firm thighs. im halfway there cuz im not in bad shape. im 140lbs and i dont want to lose weight i just wanna tone. but i do have to change my eating habits and i HAVE to put down the pepsi. so here is my plan for monday-friday

• breakfast- egg whites, whole wheat toast, breakfast shake, & fruit
• lunch- salad
• dinner- steamed veggies, baked chicken, rice(maybe)

it probably will change as the days go on when i find other healthy things i can have instead of oatmeal cream pies, pepsi, nutella, pretzles, hot dogs, and red meat. oh and chocolate on chocolate cake. i'll sure miss it but its all worth it. im completely focusing on myself and thats it. i have goals and shit to accomplish by 2010. any suggestions?

i clean up nice.

[[click the photos for larger view]]

a little bedroom action...lol these are my favorite shoes but they're scuffed now:(

So last night was my party. it didnt do too well. everyone did seem to come out for the after hours spots. i guess they had to get rid of their dates. i aint mad.lol.

That Ain't Right

I'm really upset at how people are really trying to play Chris Brown. I mean I get it don't hit a woman, and I'm not taking sides but you dont know what the hell Rihanna said,or did or anything for that matter. Those are two grown ass kids who can sort their own problems out. Hell if this isnt his first time hitin her ass she should of left the first time the shit happend. Who's the dummy? Love is blind but damn, when a man puts his hands on you-LEAVE! That just means he has no respect for you. Anyhow, so now radio stations and music tv stations are doin polls on if they should play this lil boys music or not? Come the fcuk on now. No one stopped listening/playing the king of disgusting R.Kelly, Michael Jackson or James Brown and theres pleanty more we all havent stopped listening to. These are real people, they're careers are just more out in the public. So you stop liking someones music because of their personal problems? Weak.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm actually happy with Valentine's Day this year. (even though it's snowing right now)I always wake up on the wrong side of the bed but not today! I wake up on the right side of the bed for all holidays including my birthday.lol. Tonight is my party but I still have nothing to wear. So that is my mission today. So to everyone, have a safe Valentine's Day. Don't eat too much and make sure you use a rubber. lol.

So Far...

My day is really shitty. I'm sitting here eating chocolate on chocolate birthday cake. (Who's random birthday? I don't know. I think my sister just wanted something sweet and bought this cuz no one here has a birthday coming up until mine in March. ) I seriously feel like I need a drink, and I need it NOW. Jack Daniels straight. I could drink it like Kool-Aid at this exact moment. My party is tomorrow night and I'm so not ready. Nothing to wear. I feel like shit. I'm stressed. I just want to hid under a rock. I found out some shit today that really pissed me off. So I'm just a bit all over the place right now. I think too much and too deep about shit. My mind runs a billion zillion miles an hour, no destination--it just runs. Although I did read my horoscope today, and you know that's really important to me. So here is what it read:

Becoming overwhelmed with the workload today will hinder your progress. You're normally composed, but something distracting your mind may keep you from giving a hundred percent. Tonight may be a good one to go out, as social aspects are highly favored.

Basically saying I need to go have a drink. lol. Its only 11:42 am. Doesn't matter to me. Who ever put a time on the consumption of alcohol?

A Womans Liberation

I grew up a while back
and took off my tight jeans
and those other little, skimpy things
to liberate my body.

I put away my
old love letter
from long-gone boyfriends
to liberate my heart.

I discarded my false nations of
how young ladies should act
in male-dominated societies
to liberate my mind.

I dared to picture myself a heaven,
so that I could reach
for a better tomorrow
to liberate my soul.

And then I flew
far away
like a bird
in no cage.

-Omar Tyree

Give Me Some Water..

Keep your man on a short leash Fantasia...I'll Take him....

It's just somethin about him...I love the way he dresses!

Snakes

I am really big on the astrology, numerology,paranormal, premonition and dreams with meanings. When I saw the documentary on Left Eye, (this is weird) but I understood where she was coming from. It's scary but I believe in all of that stuff. I don't practice it or anything, it just comes to me-- but when something happens--it's hard to explain. Today I took a nap and woke up like it was a nightmare. I had a dream about a snake. It was really weird because, I was getting out of my cousins truck and went into the house but it turned into just a random room in the hood. So I go to pick up the laundry basket and I see something like floating in air on something that was similar to a spider web. It was like a teeny tiny snake with hind legs and it was going in a zig zag motion. I didn't kill it because I'm always afraid to kill bugs. It was brown and tan. So the next thing I know it comes from around the corner mind you 3 times its size and turned to red white and black. Still with hind legs and slithering in the front. Kind of like a lizard with no front limbs. It was sitting by my cat (i have a cat for real), and I screamed to my aunt "ITS A SNAKE" so I take my shoe off to smash it like a bug only to wake up from the dream.
So I looked it up not too long ago and this is what it said:
SNAKE DREAM MEANING Psychological Meaning
The snake is one of the world's oldest symbols found in some of the most ancient sculptures. They are often used as phallic symbols and have long been linked with pagan fertility gods. Because it lives close to the ground, the snake is an emblem of the nurturing earth and also the unknown perils of the underworld. Christian imagery emphasises the dark side of this symbol.
It is considered evil, yet it is the snake, created by God, that tempts man to gain knowledge. In dreams, a snake can represent hidden fears. Falling into a pit of snakes may represent the many worries that are threatening you. Sometimes snakes can symbolise the poisonous words and innuendo of the people around you.There are many strange superstitions about snakes. It was believed that to see a lone snake and feel threatened by it in a dream or in real life shows that you have a bad enemy that is working against you, it also a warning against bodily harm from an enemy. To dream of many snakes in a pit was also considered to be a foreboding of much bad luck in love or business. If in a snake dream you overcome and kill a threatening snake in your dream, it shows that you will overcome your adversary and win out.

:::SideNote::: There has been some strange fuckery going around this past week though.... You know exactly who you are too...BITCH! So I'm surrounded by phony people who think I don't know it.

Children...

This is random but I'm watching Jon & Kate plus 8... They get all this shit for FREE because they have 8 kids.

I'm not trying to be funny but I want LOTS of kids but not 8.lol. I dont think I can handle it unless my husband is patient. I tend to treat and talk to kids like they are old already. I think thats bad because today I told my God Daughter to stop crying because only ugly people cry over stupid stuff. I mean I can't help it. No one babied me when I was a kid soooo I think thats whats wrong with me. Also, you can't really talk jibberish and goo goo gaga bullshit to kids and you damn sure cant be their friend because when its time to get serious they think the shit is a joke.

But yes I would like kids..soon.. by the way that thing that kinda looks like me is my sperm mate.

holler

Ethnicity?

People ask me all the time what my ethnicity is. I claim myself to be 100% black but my blood doesn't, and obviously my skin color doesn't either because I'm as pale as they come. So here goes. My fathers side: my grandfather was native American and black (R.I.P Grandaddy), my grandmother is Mexican, Caucasian, and black. Now my mama's side is basically the same..lol. We are of Egyptian descent, German, African American, Mexican, and native American. Like I said, I claim African American although I am a melting pot in one body. I am working on learning more of the Egyptian, German and native American backgrounds and exactly where it came from because its not that far down the line because it starts right at my great great grandparents. So I am teaching myself bit by bit everyday. What's your ethnicity?