a REAL bitch

you know, i'm not the type of person who just puts all her business out in the streets because i just try to deal with things all by myself. there are many things i dont want people knowing about me. i try to keep to myself as much as possible and teach myself new things. i have had many set backs in general but i always pick myself up, dust the dirt off my shoulders and continue to grow as a person in this game we call life. i can call myself a real bitch because i have real feelings, i deal with real problems, and i tell the real. its hard for me to be nice and thats something i have to work on. i cut people off on the daily and my shit list is longer than any childs christmas list. that results to me having my guard up in any relationship i just so happen to fall into. i actually dont believe anything anyone says until they prove it. i dont expect anything from anyone or too much of anyone because it seems that everytime i place someone on the kings thrown they act like a pesant.i took a bit of advice from someone whom i adore and that is to have humility. that can only go so far though, in my book. everyday i try to change how i live, how i act and how i think--in the end it all fails because i can't help that this is just who i am and NOW i have learned to accept ME as I AM. so now i tell everyone, either love me or leave me alone. i could stop the cursing, i could stop the drinking and i could stop the occasional smoking of herb--but what for? those are all things that make the stress go from a 20 to a 3. but when all thats said and done when the high comes down and when i start to sober up all the stress and disappointment is all still there. im backwards huh? who cares--im iyuana nichole- im non affectionate, i spill shit, i trip and sometimes fall all over things, i stress over little things that aren't perfect-- hell i am a fucking train wreck but this is my life and im happy in it. i long to be that even greater person who people adore but for what? im not here for them i live this life to make money, survive and most importantly ride this shit til the wheels fall off! lol. i love my life and i wouldn't change anything in it or about it because it makes me who i am. ive never cared what anyone had to say about me because they never say it to my face nor do they know the REAL me. they go off of assumtions or some old he say she say. i will agree i am the most random person in this world and yes i am a hopeless romantic who sings in the shower, who has to have starbucks everyday or ill get a head ache-- im a make-up whore who dips her toast in nutella, watches ugly betty, demands everything(cuz im a boss), eats ice like rock candy,has to have popsicyles all the time and randomly loves hannah montanna. but just remember one thing, I AM A REAL BITCH and if you dont like my attitude or how i live then thats too bad and im not sorry.lol-- you can try to play me or embarrass me but that shit dont work. i am oblivious to it, if you are hating im too busy gettin money that i can't see your ass.and i've been conditioning myself to ignore ignorance. so save it.